Porn Detection Stick Strikes Fear in the Hearts of All Men

There are many who posit that the Internet was developed around a single major goal, the one goal, the cause of more struggles, bloodshed and wars than even religion: The desire to ogle cans. From the era of crude paint drawings to the barely discernible ASCII images on sheets of perforated green bar paper, naked pictures have been sought after since the first hairless apes donned clothing. Whether the internet birth drove porn or just followed it is a chicken-or-the-egg question that will likely never have a satisfactory answer. Everyone needs a little sumtin-sumtin in their lives, but there's a time and a place for everything. The Porn Detection Stick contains portable software that will scan through all images stored on a computer doing heuristic pattern matching to find out if you have a secret cache of skin pics. Even more frighteningly, it will rummage through the remnants of deleted files as well. So even if you, like my friend Derek, deleted all your porn the day you got married, this tool will still be able to find your filthy, filthy stash.

The tool is currently only designed to hunt stored images so your browsing history won't be inspected but your temporary internet files may still tattle on you. The drive's maker, proofpronto, claims the drive has less that .007% false positives. You really should go clean off your drive right now because your boss is ordering a few as we speak. For workplace legal concerns, this really could be a useful tool, a small office could be inspected in weekend "A search of a 500 GB hard drive with over 70,000 images takes only about an hour and a half". The drive is on sale now for $98 on their site. Here's hoping they run out of them or something and you get to keep your job.